Cheap brain surgeon wanted, home visits preferable.
Have just watched repeat of Channel 5's 'Most Shocking Celebrity Moments Of 2004'. (Shush, I was cross stitching, needed something on while I did so.) Have come away with (temporary, obviously, but nevertheless alarming) crushes on Leslie Grantham, Victor from Big Brother, and, most fantastically worryingly, Wayne Rooney and David Beckham. Look, can someone come round and, I don't know, readjust the settings in my head or something? It's deeply unsettling from here, believe me.
This post is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it?