DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

  • Music:
I'm sure I had all sorts of very pointless but lengthy things to say about my own psyche after last week's shenanigans, but somewhere over the weekend all my thoughts just started to trickle into a black hole of old episodes of Law & Order : SVU and now, magically, it is Tuesday. I am at work. On Friday morning I'm going home to Sussex and then on Saturday have to sit in a car for five hours with mum, dad, and a lovely pianist who might make the whole thing bearable, on our way to Anglesey so on Sunday we can do a concert. All together. Dad keeps saying "It's supposed to be fun!" I invite you all to picture my expression.

I still don't know what to say, what to talk about. I find it hard to believe that, given how much better I am now than I was two, three, four years ago, I am now more terrified than ever of bothering people, interrupting people or generally using up their time. I ought to be fixed by now, heh. Maybe I am, and this feeling that anything I say is irrelevant and anyone whose path I cross with my irrelevant words will hurt me is accurate. It doesn't seem likely, but then, it's hard to say, really.

I spend every day now waiting for someone to hit me. Strangers, in the street, or people I know. How can it have got worse? Nnngh. Oh well. Work will help, apparently today's mission is to scour the 1950s for the Viol Consort of the Schola Cantorum Basiliensis under August Wenziger. The sad thing is, I'm really looking forward to looking. Viols! I love viols. :)

E.
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