DurAnorak (duranorak) wrote,
DurAnorak
duranorak

My workplace's madmen are cooler than yours

I was going through the 'complaints' correspondance file at work - I say 'file', I mean more 'random pile of stuff' - when, in amongst all the old people complaining about young people at concerts and so on, I discovered a plastic folder containing five envelopes.

I opened the first one and read the letter inside with total disbelief. Here was your actual lunatic. What he was writing had nothing whatsoever to do with music, the hall where I work, or indeed England at all - the letters were sent from Amsterdam and appeared photocopied, suggesting they'd been sent to multiple addresses. This was true insanity - a conspiracy theorist with typewriter Tourette's. For various reasons (I'll reveal them at the end of the saga) I feel these should be shared with, if not the world, at least you guys.

Stand by for JFK, Bill Clinton, the CIA and the Dalai Lama. And a lot of rather bad language. I'll post the first letter tonight and hope you're as desperate to read more as I was. These things...need to be saved for posterity. All typing mistakes are his; I have reproduced this exactly (except for the edit in the penultimate paragraph).



Amsterdam Anarch
Scrap weapons, DEA and CIA, build roight sdience rule for bringing up children. End frigidity now. Keep them in school an ezxtra three hours a day. Be considerate. Be quiet.

Basck in amsterdam, with Mr Bill Clinton, the nigger pimping fuck fag, and his bastard wife, the ever vomiting opinionated buitch, who has read me my diary every day for hours for the last nine year. you backwopods Hot Springs lying vomit, nigger pimping fag bitch who wont fight.

Dig this. Clinton came to amsterdam to fuck with me through trhe laMAS AND WATCH THE EFFECTS THROUGH SUREVeillance cameras like since 93 with his cunt wife. So I am clling him a fag and a shit for not meerting me face to face or boxing me for two, just two rounds, and his zaides are saying like the president is furious, livid, ansd all this shit. He's staying at the Grand Hotel whewre all the bigwigs stayt. Havoing perverted govenment provcesses to commit the semi opublic harassment.

They say, he has a pistol. And he says, if you dont go Buddhist, I'll kill you, myself. Then I insulted his dead moher spme mnroe and they said his brother George was thjerre with a pistrol and was coming over to kill me. I put one leather driving glove on. Then I said, OK Bill, if you're so angry, come over and opunch me in the face. Box. One round. He says, "I am afraid. I am afraid."

This redneck cunt who sent niggers to fuck myu girl friend, a sexc worker. Because niggers are dirty to the racist Clintons. And when you want to sexually dirty someone o top of raping their girl friend, youi send niggers becaus e the Clintons figure niggers are dirt. "We sent whoite men too," Clinton said. I saew three of them, including the group of scum they have standing across from her bvooth every night, not usual in the red lighyt district. Bill Clinton and his noigger bnastard wife, who "must not be seen a having helped send agents to the red light diostrict," but "fought sin with sin."

Yes, Mr Clinton, you are afraid. You nigger pimping scum. Like your nigger pimping wife, and the nmigger pimping Dalai lama, who annoys and aggravates me as camouflage and a diversion, while Ed amnfd Hillary and Bill, to hurt [edit - I've removed his name for the sake of suspense], their enemy, send agents to fuck the girl I became friends with.

As the pig Suzan Goldberg says, "I fuycked your old lady." That's what she calls, hurting the subcoinscious mind.


I have found many brilliant things hiding at work, but I think this may just beat all the rest of them. And possibly everything else. Ever. And it gets better madder. Do you want more?

E.
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